How to give feedback

We all want to be our best. One of the ways we keep striving for that is by giving and receiving feedback. This is often done in the context of manager and direct report relationships, but it should be done across between team members, regardless of status or tenure.

We've all received poor feedback that is not helpful or constructive. Though the receiver should aim to squeeze the maximum value out of any input, regardless of how poorly it is delivered, the goal of the feedback giver is to be helpful, encouraging, and immediate.

Immediate

What did you have for lunch last Tuesday? Don't remember? Neither do I!

The more time that passes, the more cloudy our memory becomes. This is why waiting to provide feedback can prevent some of the opportunities for change. The only way to change is to know what needs to change. Waiting weeks or months to share feedback means neither party has clarity on what happened.

Waiting also leaves room for feelings to grow and fester. It's hard to be helpful when you're mad; it's hard to be encouraging when you're bitter.

It can be hard to find the time and energy to share feedback in the moment, but it is the most effective way to help your team move forward and iterate quickly. Ultimately, immediate feedback is about fueling progress.

Helpful

This starts with empathy. You cannot help someone unless you know what they need. And you can't know what they need unless you are really understanding their context. This can mean spending time “putting yourself in their shoes” or asking questions prior to giving feedback to make sure you fully understand where they are coming from.

Examples:

1. A team member is always showing up late for a regular meeting. Instead of telling them that you don't want them to be late anymore, check the meeting time in their timezone and check their other meetings in their calendar to see if it's ideal for them.
2. A direct report is showing frustration towards a change in priorities. Instead of telling them that they need to just be ok with things changing, ask them how the last change impacted their existing work or ask them how you could share news of changes better.

Encouraging

It's scary to change, especially when it requires doing something you aren't good at. Feedback should have a “heroing” effect, where it makes someone feel strong and brave enough to tackle the changes head-on. They should feel like the superhero of their story not the scared recruit in the trenches.

A helpful way to think about this would be to ask: how am I affirming their ability to change? This can be done while the feedback is being given by sharing ways that they have shown their ability to achieve similar triumphs, but often people can feel guarded in that moment and don't receive this encouragement fully. Ideally, this affirmation is done before and after the feedback. This means being proactive with this relationship beyond just when you want them to fix something.